My Adventure. Time to Explore.
About three weeks ago I received the I Am Adventurous Mala Bracelet. The process of choosing a mala that resonated with me was fairly exciting. In what areas of my life did I want to experience growth? I chose the I Am Adventurous mala not because I wanted to drop everything and start travelling the world tomorrow, but because I wanted to start exploring myself more deeply.
Two and a half months ago I ended a six and a half year relationship. All of sudden I found myself in a new home, with new roommates, a new job, and a new routine. I started dating my now ex boyfriend at 18 (I’m still getting used to referring to him as my ex), so naturally a lot of my identity became wrapped up in this “us” that we’d created together.
Now there’s no us. There’s only me. I am rediscovering who I am. What are my dreams, versus what were our dreams? What do I love, versus what did we love? My future feels a lot less certain.
I feel like a rogue dancer that has broken away from the choreography she spent six years learning and practicing.
All I have left are my feelings. How do I want to move? How do I want to be? How do I want to feel? How do I want to experience life?
What does my dance look like?
My dance is adventurous! Four words… what were four words that I want to encapsulate my new dance?
Passionate, because when I move, I move with my whole body and soul. When I leap, I leap with the knowledge that I could fall and that I will not always land safely or effectively. Passionate, because it’s the only way I want to live.
Powerful, because I have the ability to make an impact. What I do matters (what we all do matters), and I never want to disregard the significance of my contribution to the world and to my life.
Playful, because I love to laugh. I love to make other people laugh. I love to be silly and imaginative and spontaneous. I never want to grow up (in spirit), and I want all of my adventures to be speckled with an abundance of giggles and quietly mouthed “wows.”
Unstoppable, because I am resilient. During those times when I do leap and fall (probably with embarrassing awkwardness), I know that I have the ability to jump right back up and keep going. I will always keep going. This dance can not be stopped with criticism, failure or doubt. Tell me I can’t do something, and I won’t listen. I’ll find a way. I am unstoppable.
These are my four words. These are the four words that will follow me on every adventure. I’m certainly not ready for a serious romantic relationship right now, but when I do feel ready, these are the four words I’d look for in a partner.
But for now, every decision I make is my own. Today, I can focus on my career, my writing, and myself with intensity and focus… and not feel guilty about it. My time is my own. My life is my own. I don’t answer to anyone but myself. My happiness, my fulfillment, is my own responsibility.
At the start of each day, I slide my mala bracelet over my wrist. First thing in the morning, the stones always feel cold against my skin. I meditate on my future, on my feelings, and on my desires. My mala bracelet reminds me of what I love about life. It reminds me to smile even when things feel hard, lonely or uncomfortable. “This is my adventure,” I quietly whisper to myself. “Time to explore.”
Christine received her B.A. in English, creative writing and Theatre from the University of New Brunswick and moved to Vancouver, British Columbia in 2011 to pursue a career as an actor and writer. Her recently launched Creative Life Blog follows the journeys of eight vastly different artists as they work toward their goals.